Well, this is certainly the best movie Uwe Boll has ever made, which is a statement reminiscent of man, that's the best car wreck I've ever survived.
Bloodrayne continues Boll's pillaging of the videogame genre by taking the title character of two such games - a human-vampire crossbreed called a dhampir - and attempting to explore her roots, or somesuch. The two games took place in 1935 and 1995; here, we are treated to Renfest-level period scenery in economic Romania (I elicit the Renaissance Festival comparison by way of the anachronistic fighting leathers worn by the two female stars).
The story concerns Rayne's quest to kill her father, the vampire king Kagan, by first finding three artifacts that will make any vampire invulnerable to the bloodsuckers' usual weaknesses. Yes, yawn... it would be harder to cobble together a more cliche-ridden script if you tried. The plots of the videogames, which are traditionally thin, were actually more involved - but we've seen casts and crews transcend such shortcomings. All it requires is the right cast and crew.
. . . um hm.
Definitely Boll's best cast to date, though he admits it was largely filled only two weeks before shooting began. Kristianna Loken seems up to the demands of the character, but really doesn't get to do much. Micheal Madsen appears to be drunk much of the time, Michelle Rodriguez plays ...Michelle Rodriguez, Billy Zane is totally wasted in two cameos seemingly unconnected from the rest of the movie, Ben Kingsley, as Kagan, seems particularly woebegone... only Meat Loaf and his roomful of naked Romanian prostitutes, and the ever-reliable Udo Kier come off very well.
Boll aficionados - and God help us, I know they're out there - need not worry that he has lost his touch. The fight scenes show an unholy fascination with putting swords through the human face, yet remain somehow lackluster, and there is at least one Boll Moment™ - at the very end, a rapid series of cuts flashes back through every gory moment in the movie, apropos of nothing.
Quite pretty. I could see everything, which is not necessarily a good thing. The menu does show some artistry, though I admit myself prejudiced against menus that show clips behind the selections: I have to consciously ignore those until after I've seen the movie... and after that, I don't care what they're trying to show me.
CGI Making of the Film is unenhanced by narration or explanation if any kind: it starts out with the various layers involved in building a CGI effect, then simply settles down to replaying every scene in the movie with a CGI element.
Dinner with Uwe Boll is interesting but frustrating, as no details are given for context. A man and a woman have dinner with Boll and talk about his movies. It looks like some sort of cable access program, born out by the fact that there is only a single boom mike to capture the sound, resulting in a muddled, boomy,nigh-unlistenable mess.
Storyboards grants you five pieces of yes, storyboards, again without explanation or context.
There is a theatrical trailer, which fortunately needs no explanation or context.
There is also a director's commentary track. Forgive me, but I couldn't be bothered.
This particular edition of the movie contains a bonus disc, the PC version of the Bloodrayne 2 game. I'm just going to mention that you can likely find that game for far less at any number of e-tailers or used game outlets, and leave it at that.
Dr. Freex, 6/11/2006