Praise the Lord and Pass the Turkey! Testify!
Possibly the only film that can not only claim to be a "turkey", but star one as well - and certainly the ONLY Pro-Jesus, Anti-Pot, Turkey Monster Splatter flick in existence.
After an intro like that, how does one follow up with a simple and concise plot synopsis? I'm placing my talents in the hands of the Lord on this one....(heh) Steve Hawkes (a former low-rent Tarzan movie star) is "Herschell", a tall, dark, and clueless type who can't decide whether he's an Elvis impersonator or a motorcycle riding tough guy. Seriously, this flick's opening looks like they took some discarded, out-of-focus footage from an AIP biker flick and hastily cut it together....with a cleaver!
Anyway, during his Easy Rider experience, Hersch meets up with two sisters: Pure and God-fearing Angel and her "naughty" younger sister, Anne...who turns Hersch onto the devil weed.....Marijuana! Hersch also gets a job with an old research scientist. Who does turkey research...
Oh, wait.....it gets better. It seems that the pot grown in this particular goofy-ass alternate universe is the most addictive stuff on Earth. It makes crack cocaine look like marshmallow s'mores. Hersch is sent into crazy-mad withdrawal sickness, and the loco-weed kick combines with chemically treated turkey meat (which he has to consume at his job) to cause a genetic mutation in Herschell of the wacky kind. No kidding....he becomes GOBB-LOR! The TURKEY of DEATH!
Okay, I made that last part up, but it makes this crap seem a heck of a lot cooler than it actually is. And Hersch does become a blood-thirsty turkey-headed monster who goes on a kill-crazy murder spree to feed his hunger. Best bit: Turkey monster pleading with God to forgive him and end his existence.
Intercut into all of this is footage of director Brad Grinter (former nudie movie star) giving pseudo-philosophical moral warnings, looking as if he just came off a three day bender. His ending speech on the dangers of drugs just has to be seen.
Sadly, if you're expecting high definition in picture and sound, yer in the wrong place, brother. Time has not been kind to the original elements of this flick, and that's understandable, seeing as how I don't think Blood Freak is on the AFI list, or sat around in any major studio vaults since its 1972 debut. Seeing as how this is a Something Weird release, Mike Vraney probably stumbled across it in somebody's basement behind the hot water heater or buried in a lock box somewhere in the Louisiana bayou. It's watchable, but "the curse of 1970s cheap film stock" lingers around it to the worst possible degree. The original mono track has degraded severely and Hawkes' crazy (and vaguely European.... y'know...like Fabio's) accent doesn't help matters much. Kudos to Something Weird, though, for rescuing this little oddity and pushing it, squawking and gobbling, into the digital age.
This is where the disc excels.....packed to the brim with over 2 hours worth of supplementary material, as if to make up for the really bad movie and it's deteriorated condition.
Incredibly stupid film, poorly made....yet, fun nonetheless and the unintentional humor is hilarious. Something Weird's disc is a definite must-have for "bad" movie enthusiasts.
Anthony Conn, aka The Hong Kong Cavalier, 9/15/2004